why do chinese songs always have the power to make me melt inside.
i think that's the super power of asian artiste! i shud be proud.

im still suffering from my emo mood yst. and, THERE'S A REASON to it:

i was walking past my mother's bedroom yst.
my sis, dad and mom were inside. talking.
i walked closer, and heard them discussing about my upcoming birthday.
i was so surprised, because they seldom care.
only my sis does. but they are discussing about it!

i heard like, going to eat tgt, and some wildwildwet nonsence.
i feel so tempted to barge in and say im having my period, and cant go to www.

but my eyes were already flowing with tears. so i went to bed. but slept only 2hrs after.
SAY, WHATS WRONG WITH QIXUAN. i have a uncontrollable odd working tap in my eyes.

but:
i felt guilty thinking that they wudnt care
i felt guilty thinking about wad i shud tell them to get for me (tho they wont), when the most impt is to have a day to spend time tgt.

and that guilty is enough to drive me crazy.

i thought about when i was in kindergarden, and my mom came in with a humongous funshine bear cake.
i thought about the little parties i used to have with my cousins
then slowly, i felt they didnt care anymore.

because my birthday began like any normal day, and passed by like any normal day.
i started to pass my birthdays, stoning in my room. thinking about the past. and how happy i was on that very special day.

but i know no matter how little things i can get this year, how lonely i will be, how little messages i will receive, how little cards i would get. i will be happy.

because people had cared. my family did.

tell qixuan what should she do today?