ive been so easily affected by little things around me today that i suffered 360 degrees of moodswings all in less then 12 hours. maybe its the pile of new homework my math teacher had given me, they are all in a mess, he asks for a file, neater, more organised kind of work. and its driving me insane because ive never put in so much for math ever before, and its making me unable to breathe. but i know, its for my own good and i actually pay to be tortured. on second thoughts maybe not. maybe its the rain, the rain ive walked in today. the rain ive deliberately walked in today. i like it when it rains, then i walk around in it, go into cold shopping malls, sit on the ground, freezing, shivering and sneezing. so people would walk past and take pity on me. crazy, but i really like it. people will look at you strangely, ask you weird things, and give you really dumb advices like going to toilets to use the hand dryer or stuff like that. 'do you want coffee?' while pointing to starbucks was the best ive had. i rejected it, of course. the pull your heart string thing is really, well, just for fun. i just like observing strangers' faces and you cant really do it unless they look at you in the face. ive been knocked around by my own head, my fleeting train of thoughts that never really settle down for my sanity's sake. ive concluded im vulnerable when he's around. there's nothing wrong with it. i thought i was tired, i lay to sleep, i cudnt. but i fell asleep today at the back of the bus, with the familiarity of the lucky spot, the passing scenery and the smell of my jacket. i could sleep with that. ive been chased by alot of memories from the past. its a good time to be nostalgic anyway, its afterall the beginning of december. today i attempted to top up my ezlink card with The plastic card for the first time, and jammed up the machine pretty badly. i dont mind wasting people's time like that because, i dont know. it just makes me happy. i like it when they get all worked up, be angry for a little while, and later realise that it isnt such a big deal afterall. i lay in my bed and did almost nothing, till i started fiddling with my guitar and magically learn to play a new song. its quite insane but yea, the weirdest things happen. when im alone im invincible. but i dont want to be alone, even if that makes me, no longer invincible. this's only in my mind, really.

its a long post, so you might get disinterested and not read it. because its a bunch of mindless ranting which normal people should not be interested in.

today i got pushed by people on purpose.
today i pushed people on purpose.
today i got ignored several times.
today i got angry with people for no reason, including myself, but that, for a reason.
today... oh. lets not talk about today anymore.